|
|
|
|
Childa (pronounced CHILL-da) ran to pick up the phone. "Hello, Childa Herban speaking, who is this?"
Mickalo (pronounced Mee-KAH-loh) ran to the other phone, "Hello? Mickalo Herban speaking, who is this?"
Verdina (pronounced Ver-DEEN-ah) ran to pick up the other phone, almost shouting, "Hello, Verdina Herban speaking, what's your name?"
Plushina (pronounced Ploo-SHEEN-ah) ran and grabbed the phone from Mickalo's hands and screamed, "Who is it?"
The 6-year-old twins, Bobby and Fred started fighting over an old phone they had found and just plugged in almost electrocuting each other, all the while screaming hysterically, "It's mine!"
The poor caller was stunned by the sudden kafuffle, and for a moment there was a long pause of silence. Then, shakily, the woman calling said, "My name is Donna Martin. I am an old friend of your mom's. I am calling to find out if she would like to, to, umm..., well, um, can she have tea at 4:00pm on Sunday afternoon?"
At once a myriad of voices erupted, "Sure, of course, we'll come too!"
"Would you like us to bring something? I think we could make some cake to take along?" Childa said in a motherly voice.
"What about muffins? I just love muffins!" Verdina yelled.
"Can I have the most ice cream? I want choc-late sprinkles on mine!" the twins whined.
Childa tried to keep the elderly lady from getting a heart attack, but the more she screamed for silence, the louder it got as everyone started trying to make the other quieter. Then she heard the faint crackle on the line. "Oh, Mrs. Martin! So sorry, um, what were you saying?
"Well, um, well, I, um, I had a cake, but, um, on second thought, it probably wouldn't be big enough, so, umm, bring your cake, ok? Bring it, with the muffins or what ever they were. Thank you."
Childa heard something that sounded like a scream and then a hurried click.
"Poor woman," she mused.
"Childa?"
It was another voice to add to the chaos: 7-year-old Brandy Bugworth, one of the most obnoxious kids in the neighborhood. Probably the most notorious kid in the world, Childa mumbled.
"Childa?"
Sounding very bored, she asked, "What is it this time, Brandy? Did your cat escape and plug up a neighbor's toilet again? I'll get the plumber."
"No, Childa, it's worse."
"Oh no, your pet African monkey thing got into your mom's sewing bag again? I'll call the paramedic."
"No, no! worse!"
"Ummm, your pet piranha jumped out into your hamster Harry's cage and took a bite again?"
"Last time he didn't take a bite, he just chewed his leg awhile. Harry was fine after a few weeks of intensive care at the pet hospital, and besides, this thing has never happened before!"
Well, readers, now is the perfect time to interject for a little explanation about Brandy's background. By this point you might have realized that Brandy has a lot of pets. 29 different species in fact. He has quite a few endangered ones, but he keeps them hidden in the dark with chains around the big ones so no one will take them away. "There's nothing wrong with having a white Bengal tiger and a panda together, as long as their tied up and fed properly with jube jubes!" he would always protest to his mom.
She would just harrumph and say, "Well, if it costs too much in jube jubes, (about $900 a week) then you'll have to release them into the wild."
"But then they'll die!" screamed Brandy, "you can't be that merciless!"
"Oh yes I can."
You might also have realized by now that Brandy's parents have a lot of money. You would be right in saying that, if you think that owning six cars, two motor homes, an apartment complex or two, a theme park, a zoo (especially for Brandy's run away "bad pets"), and a big, over sized mansion is rich (that was leaving out about 60% of the other goods, not to mention the accessories of the interior of the house).
Anyways, by considering the above, you might have started to see into a peep hole of Childa's brain, and so today, Childa tried to run through about 3% of the injuries and havocs that living in such a house and family usually brought to Brandy as he “struggled” through each day.
"Well," Childa started, "what has never happened before in your house? I know! Your private jet that you aren't allowed to play with until you are 12, blew up!" Childa ended sarcastically.
"How did you guess?" Brandy said in a sort of amazed dreary voice.
"What?" Childa screamed in a loud enough voice to raise ten people from the dead, "it did what? Wow, invite me over! Let's go see it! Come on!"
Brandy, excited with all the attention said (as coolly as possible), "Sure. I guess we could." His excitement leaked through though, more than a balloon stretched to it's maximum capacity being pounded with a jack hammer. It didn't really matter though, because all the kids around him were so much in a buzz, that I don't think they heard a word he said.
"Wow, a real jet plane! I wonder what those things look like!" screamed Mickalo (who by this time, despite him being "mature" was into the excitement as much as any).
You may be wondering now how on earth Mickalo would not have seen a jet plane. Well you see, the Herbans were pretty much the opposite of the Bugworths. They were not exactly poor, but they were very close to it. They wore the same socks for a week or more, the same torn up shoes they always wore, bought from the nearest thrift store for 99 cents because they were on the "good for dog toys" shelf, and the same red and yellow polka dot jacket that went out of fashion at the same time as the human race started to even think of going to the moon and started jotted down their ideas. All they wore were hand-me-downs, and they were pretty sick of the life they were living, in that respect. They always ate "Joe's taste-like-rubber soufflé" for breakfast, unless they got "Joe's taste-almost-like-food-but-still-kinda-like-rubber soufflé" for a treat. They actually had a fortune in the bank, but Dad said that the interest rates were rising and compound interest was the way to go, so, guess who suffered?
The Herbans didn't really enjoy the presence of the snobbish Bugworths whose son Brandon dangled a piece of crab above their faces to make them jealous (although it didn't work, all the girls screamed and ran away, and the boys ooooed and ahhhed about it, asking if it was from the ocean or the river, not having a clue they were supposed to eat it). Then there was Brady who laughed at them whenever she saw them for no particular reason. The only one who was kinda nice was Bradly (as you can see, the Bugworths don't just have only notorious nature but notorious naming habits as well - the parents' names were Braydon and Brancia, and all Brandy's pet's were named Brad, or rather, Brad 1, Brad 2, Brad 3, etc.). Bradly was more like the runt of the family who just tried to mind his own business and be nice to others. He was really shy though, but still he didn't chew on your hairs and then spit it out on your face like some of the rest of his family (no, Brandon, I won't tell them you did it, oops, too late!). Anyways, so this was the only opportunity the Herbans had ever had to see the backyard (90 acres) before. Needless to say, the kids were very excited about the chance to see the plot of land.
It was like winter in summer; little cotton seeds were snowing down in little flurries, making it seem like a winter wonderland, except for the fact that it was 30 degrees Celsius outside.
"Wow, is this how big Heaven is?" cried one of the twins.
"No, silly, it's only as big as Africa," Verdina called as she explored the huge 2 x 4 outdoor solarium (don't ask how they did it, because the measurement given is not in feet, it's in acres).
"Is that why Mommy said that it takes her an hour to walk to the store across from us," Mickalo breathed in wonder, "This place is as big as New York!"
As they sighed with ecstasy at the huge amount of space, they saw a huge jumbo jet with 20-foot flames shooting out from it.
"Wow!" whispered Plushina, saying (or rather whispering) the first word since the telephone exasperation. "It's gigantic. I'm going closer."
"No Plushina, no!" shrieked Verdina, coming out of the solarium a little dazed. "That's, uh, uh, dangerous...." She didn't quite finish the rest because I guess the whole ordeal was a little too much for her frail body. She fainted into a heap on the floor, but was soon awakened when two six-year-old twins weighing 85 lbs each came flying down on her with a huge pail of water splashing everywhere.
"Now luk what'chya dwid, Verdina! We were going to be fwiremans, and now luk, now we have to gwet some more wawber!" the twins clamored.
Verdina was just going to ask where they got the water from when she remembered Plushina. "Plushina?" she half asked, half cried in a hoarse whisper. She was just recovering now from the hard smack from the twins as they "disciplined her" for "spilling" their water.
"You could have kwilled us all if the fwire got bwigger! We nweed to get more wawber!"
"That's too dangerous, going that close to the fire, you guys."
"Well, too wat's too bwad! We're bwig enough, who says you can say waat (that) to us? You're not Mwommy! So there!" They ran off laughing. "We swure shwowed her, didn't we?"
By now Plushina was right at the fire, and Verdina got herself up and standing (miraculously) and started hobbling/waddling/running towards Verdina moaning, "Why did we ever come? Mom's at work, Dad left for only 20 minutes to get some help with those im-poo-dent kids at Mrs. Baker, and now what?" Suddenly she couldn't see Plushina anymore, or the twins for that matter. She ran as fast as her flabbergasted legs could carry her. She tripped and skinned her knee but kept going, groggily putting one foot in front of the other. I must have been hit harder than I thought, she thought.
"Verdina! Are you all right?" It was here sister Childa.
"Yes, I think so." She answered in a sort of stupefied frenzy.
"Good, where's the twins and Plushina?"
"I don't know. I'm trying to find Plushina right now if I can get there."
"Oh no, Lord help her! Plushina?"
"Ya."
"Oh my goodness! She's disappeared!"
"What?"
"She's gone!"
"What?"
"She isn't there, she's vanished, she were there, she um, she, well, she's was...."
"Childa? Oh my! She's fainted! Mickalo! Mickalo! Mickalo, where are you? Mickalo? Oh Lord, don't let him be gone too! Ok, Verdina, think, 911. 911!”
She then realized Brandy was sitting there just staring at the plane with wide eyes and a look of eager enthusiasm.
“Ok, umm, Brandy, do you have phone nearby?" Verdina inquired.
"Umm, ya, I have five cell phones here, which one do you want?" Brandy said plainly.
"Whichever."
"Ok, do you want the green one or the blue one, or the pink one, or the yellow one, or the neon purple one?"
"Whichever, just hurry up! Childa's fainted!"
"Oh, ok. Here, you can have the black one."
"The black one?"
"Ya, it's the old one."
"Whatever! Just come quick!"
"Ok, I'll dial the number. Who do you want to call?"
"911!"
"Ok, how do you dial that?"
"9-1-1!"
"Oh, ok, here."
"Hello? Yes, my sister just fainted, I can tell it's serious because she starting using funny grammar, she never does that! Well, only when she's really nervous, or she has to go to the dentist – oh, but anyways, hurry! I think she's un-con-kiss... oh, ya, that's what I meant, un-con-shee-us! Anyways, hurry! Hurry, hurry, hurry..... Ya, ok? Thanks, bye."
Suddenly, she heard a whizzing sound and then a loud BANG. She whipped her head around to see a huge gun in Brandy's hands.
"Brandy, what are you doing?"
"I'm just testing out my new gun. I got it for a present."
"You could have killed me! Put it away immediately and come and help!"
"Ok. I'm coming."
"Hurry!"
"I'm coming!"
Verdina started running to the plane to see if Plushina was there. Suddenly everything went black.
bravenet.com